Moj duhovni rojstni dan

Rodila sem se dobrim staršem, ki so me učili poštenosti, marljivosti in dobrih načel, o veri pa doma ni bilo govora, z učenjem molitve sta mi jo približali nona in stara mama. Želja po študiju angleščine in španščine je močno vplivala na moje življenje. Kakor jaz se je tudi sošolka Urša na angleščino vpisala leto kasneje, drugače se verjetno ne bi spoznali. Ob četrtkih sva skupaj pojedli kosilo, si včasih privoščili mlečni napitek in posedeli na stopnicah pred frančiškansko cerkvijo. Urši sta 8. februarja 2004 na vrata v Kranju potrkala starešina Taylor in starešina Rawberry. Učila sta jo, ona pa je nato pripovedovala meni o tem, kako mormoni ne pijejo alkohola in kave, ne kadijo, nimajo spolnih odnosov do poroke, imajo velike družine… Vse to me je močno pritegnilo, deloma zato, ker je bilo blizu mojemu načinu življenja in razmišljanja, deloma zato, ker mi je bilo neverjetno, da mladi ljudje v današnjem svetu tako zelo verjamejo v Boga. Sama takrat v Boga nisem verjela, bolj so me zanimale vzhodnjaške veroizpovedi. Nasploh sem se v življenju bolj zanašala na razum in vèdenje kakor na srce in občutke.

Ob premestitvi starešine Taylorja v Ljubljano se je z njim in družabnikom dogovorila za sestanek in me je povabila, da se ji pridružim. Tako sem v četrtek, 21. aprila 2004 na Prešernovem trgu spoznala svoja prva misijonarja, starešino Jasona Taylorja in starešino Joshuo Clarka. Tistega dne sem v cerkvenih prostorih ob Ljubljanici prijela v roke svojo prvo Mormonovo knjigo in Pričevanje Josepha Smitha. Zvečer sem ob branju pričevanja pomislila: »To mora biti res! Nihče ne bi prestajal tolikšnega preganjanja, če ne bi bilo.« Misijonarji so naju učili moliti, brali so z nama Mormonovo knjigo in revijo Ensign, večkrat sem na sestanke prišla z vprašanji na listku. Nekega dne mi je starešina dejal, da lahko molim in sama vprašam in dobim odgovore na vprašanja. To je bila zame pomembna lekcija in korak naprej. Ko sem odhajala s sestankov, sem se večkrat spraševala, čemu so vedno nasmejani in srečni.

Odločila sem se, da bom prebrala celo Mormonovo knjigo in nato vprašala Boga, ali je resnična. Res sem, velikokrat, a odgovora ni bilo. Znova in znova sem prebirala nasvet v Moronijevi knjigi 10:3-5 in premišljevala, na čem moram še delati, da bom prejela odgovor. Dejansko nisem vedela, kako bom čutila Svetega Duha, bala sem se, kaj če mi je že odgovoril, pa nisem bila pozorna. Nekega dne sem po sestanku z misijonarkami čutila, da je napočil čas, ko potrebujem odgovor. Zvečer sem v svoji podstrešni sobici pokleknila ob postelji, trdno odločena, da bom molila toliko časa, dokler ne dobim odgovora, četudi bi trajalo celo noč. Pričela sem moliti k nebeškemu Očeta za odgovor, da bi vedela, ali je bil Joseph Smith res prerok ter ali je Mormonova knjiga resnična. Verjamem, da sem bila na kolenih več ur, ko sem nenadoma začutila, kako celo telo preplavljata neskončna mir in toplina, čisto védenje, da je vse res. Povsem me je prevzelo. Brez kančka dvoma sem vedela in nihče mi tega ni mogel vzeti. Kako sem sploh lahko pomislila da bi zgrešila odgovor Svetega Duha?! Povsem drugačen je bil od vsega, kar sem občutila kdaj koli poprej. Odgovor mi je bil tako svet in oseben, da nekaj časa nisem nikomur povedala o njem, niti svojim misijonarkam, sestram Basker, Bogle, Groberg in Fife. Čutila sem, da moram delovati v skladu z vèdenjem, a mi je bilo težko in me je bilo strah, ker so bili moji starši odločno proti vsakršni veroizpovedi. Sama pa sem čutila, da moram biti zvesta sebi. Kako blizu so mi bile besede Josepha Smitha - vedela sem, da vem in vedela sem, da Bog ve, da vem, in tega nisem mogla, niti želela zanikati.

Zbrala sem pogum in v nedeljo 1. oktobra, na dan Dorinega krsta, misijonarjem povedala, da se bom krstila. Želela sem, da me krsti Slovenec. 28. oktobra 1995 je v vodo najprej stopil moj prijatelj Mark Tonih. Brž po krstu je prejel dar Svetega Duha, posvetili so ga v Aronovo duhovništvo in nato sva skupaj stopila v krstni bazen. Ko je izrekel besede krstne molitve in me potopil pod vodo, sem čutila, kako me postopoma od nog proti glavi preplavljajo toplina in mir in radost. Brž po krstu mi je starešina Paul Reynolds podelil dar Svetega Duha. Ko sem se tistega večera odpravila domov, se mi je zdelo, da lebdim nad tlemi.

Moja zgodba o spreobrnjenju je dolga leto in pol. Letos praznujem 15. obletnico krsta. To je bila ena mojih zdaleč najboljših odločitev v življenju, nikdar je nisem obžalovala. Ker je bil krstni bazen v takratnih cerkvenih prostorih na Masarykovi postavljen v kuhinji, sva se z Markom večkrat nasmejala nad dejstvom, da me je krstil kuhar v kuhinji. Po krstu je napočilo veliko težkih trenutkov zaradi nasprotovanja mojih najdražjih. Ko gledam v preteklost, sem hvaležna zanje, saj so mi utrdili vero. Obilno sem bila blagoslovljena z duhovnimi izkušnjami: s priložnostjo za duhovno rast, ko sem služila v raznih cerkvenih poklicih in pomagala pri delu s svetimi spisi in tempeljskimi uredbami, z večnimi prijatelji in številnimi vzorniki, s služenjem mini misijona s sestro Bishop, s tempeljsko poroko in rojstvom dveh zlatih deklic v zavezi. Vzgajanje Zale in Kaje Rebeke v evangeliju je uresničitev mojih sanj. Ko ju poslušam in opazujem, kako s popolno vero otroka molita, prepevata Ljubezen tu živi, odigrata zgodbo o usmiljenem Samarijanu, dirigirata na družinskem večeru in s smehom napolnjujeta naš dom, v srcu čutim hvaležnost in radost za moč evangelija, ki se je dotaknila mojega življenja leta nazaj.

in English:

I was born to goodly parents who taught me honesty, diligence and good principles. However, we did not speak of religion in my home. By teaching me to pray, my grandma and Nona has brought it close to me, though. The desire to study English and Spanish has greatly influenced my life. I and my classmate, Urša enrolled in the English class at the same time. On Thursdays we would eat our lunch together, sometimes drink a milk shake and enjoy sitting on the steps of the Franciscan church.

On February 8, 2004, Elder Taylor and Elder Rowberry knocked on Urša's door in Kranj. She was taught and then she told me all about it, how Mormons did not drink alcohol and coffee, did not smoke, did not have sexual relations until marriage, and had big families. All of this strongly attracted me, partly because it was close to my way of life and thinking and partly because it was amazing to me that young people in today's world could believe in God so much. At that time I did not have any faith in God, at the time I was more interested in eastern religions. Generally in life, I relied more on reason and knowledge than the feelings of the heart.

When Elder Taylor was transferred to Ljubljana, Urša arranged a meeting with him and his new companion, and invited me to join them. So on Thursday, April 21, 2004, at the Prešeren Square, I met my first missionaries, Elder Jason Taylor and Elder Joshua Clark. That day I received, on the premises of the Church, on the banks of the river Ljubljanica, my first Book of Mormon and the Joseph Smith's testimony.

In the evening when I was reading the testimony, I was thinking: "That must be true! Nobody would endure so much persecution, if it had not been." Missionaries taught us to pray, they read with us the Book of Mormon and the Ensign magazine. I often came to meetings with questions on a piece of paper. One day one of my Elders said that I can pray and ask for myself and get answers to my questions. For me, this was an important lesson and a step forward. When I was leaving the meetings, I often wondered why they were always smiling and looking so happy.

I decided that I would read the whole Book of Mormon and then ask God, if it is true. I did this. I did not receive an answer. Again and again I read the advice in the book of Moroni 10:3-5 and pondered, what else I needed to do to receive a reply. In fact, I did not know how I would recognize the Holy Ghost and I was afraid, “what if I already received the answer, but I did not pay attention”. One day, after a meeting with the missionaries, I felt that the time had come that I needed to receive an answer. In the evening I was in my little attic room and I knelt down at the bed, firmly resolved that I will pray as long as it will take to get a reply, even if it lasted all night. I started to pray to Heavenly Father for an answer to know whether it was true that Joseph Smith was a Prophet and whether the Book of Mormon is true. I believe that I was on my knees for several hours when I suddenly felt my whole body penetrate with infinite peace and warmth, pure knowledge that all is true. I was completely overwhelmed. Without a hint of doubt I knew and nobody could take it away. How could I even think that I could miss the response of the Holy Ghost? It was completely different than anything I had ever felt before. The answer was so sacred and personal to me that I have not told anyone for some time about it, not even to my Sister Missionaries, Sisters Basker, Bogle, Groberg and Fife.

I felt that I must act according to my knowledge, but it was difficult and I was scared because my parents were decisively against any religion. However, I felt that I should be loyal to myself. How close to me were the words of Joseph Smith! “I knew that I knew and I knew that God knew that I knew and I could not deny it, nor I wished to deny it”. I gathered the courage and on Sunday, October 1, on the day of Dora’s baptism, I told the missionaries that I would be baptized. I wanted to be baptized by a Slovenian. On October 28, 1995, my friend Mark Tonih first entered the waters of baptism. Immediately after his baptism he received the gift of the Holy Ghost, and was ordained in the Aaronic priesthood, and then we jointly entered the baptismal pool. When he spoke the baptismal prayer and submersed me under the water, I could feel the warmth and peace and joy enter my legs and spread gradually towards the head. Immediately after my baptism Elder Paul Reynolds gave me the gift of the Holy Ghost. When I was going home that evening, I felt as if I was floating above the ground.


My story of conversion is a year and a half long. This year I celebrate my 15th anniversary of baptism. This was by far one of the best decisions of my life, I have never regretted it. As the baptismal pool in those days was placed in the kitchen of the church premises at Masarykova street, Mark and I would often laugh about the fact that I was baptized in the kitchen by a cook. After the baptism, a lot of difficult moments arose because of the opposition from my loved ones. When I look back, I am grateful for them, as they consolidated my faith.

I was richly blessed with spiritual experiences: with the opportunity for spiritual growth, when I served in various church callings and helped with translation of the scriptures and temple ordinances, with eternal friends and numerous examples, with serving a mini mission with Sister Bishop, with a Temple wedding and the birth of two beautiful girls in the covenant. Nurturing Zala and Kaja Rebeka in the gospel is the realization of my dreams. When I listen to them and watch how they pray with the complete faith of a child, sing the hymn Love Is Spoken, or enact the story of the Good Samaritan, conduct the Family Home Evening hymns and their laughter fills our home, I feel gratitude and joy in my heart for the power of the Gospel which has touched my life years ago.